Brad Rose
A Hard Rain
After strolling through the Garden of Blood Curdling Screams, I inadvertently pushed the wrong button. Afterward, I had to burn my clothes. Of course, whatever you do these days, it’s against the law. Nevertheless, I continue throwing people under the bus whenever I’m given a chance. A penny saved is a penny earned. Big Bill says I’m the life of every party, but the truth is, I’m just trying to maximize my fun efficiency, especially now that I’m on a budget. Hey, I don’t know if
you’ll recall the time I stopped at Pompei for that giant cookout? Yeah, that time Ms. Vesuvius blew me a kiss and I nearly impaled myself on a legal technicality. Everyone laughed so hard because they thought I was such a laughing stock. Fortunately, after a few minutes, the laughing stopped. Just in time for the rain of fire.
Dead Horse
Not sure whether I took the placebo or the nocebo, but I feel vertiginous and a wee bit verdant around the withers. At least there were no hidden fees. Of course, at the molecular level it’s mostly animalcules all the way down, but I still can’t tell the difference between fuzz and fleece, especially when I’m sleepwalking. A tiger’s skin is striped, just like its fur, so in the morning, I’m going to buy a mohair suit and a magical necktie. Better to be safe, than worry. Customarily, I don’t like to lie about my height because I’m a good Samaritan, even when wearing a mock-turtleneck. Believe me, it’s not for the faint of heart. The last time I took an IQ test, they had to
tie my feet and legs so I wouldn’t attempt to escape. That really put me through my paces. I complained again and again, until it nearly killed me. So as not to be a dead horse, I continued to whinny.
Brad Rose was born and raised in Los Angeles, and lives in Boston. He is the author of seven collections of poetry and flash fiction: I Wouldn’t Say That, Exactly, WordInEdgeWise, Lucky Animals, No. Wait. I Can Explain, Pink X-Ray, de/tonations, and Momentary Turbulence. His book of prose poems, Or Words to that Effect, is forthcoming. Eight times nominated for a Pushcart Prize, and three times nominated for the Best of the Net Anthology, Brad’s poetry and fiction have appeared in: The American Journal of Poetry, The Los Angeles Times, Baltimore Review, New York Quarterly, Lunch Ticket, Puerto del Sol, Clockhouse, Folio, Best Microfiction (2019), Action Spectacle, Right Hand Pointing, and other journals and anthologies.
His website is: bradrosepoetry.com
Selected audio readings can be heard at: bradrosepoetry.com/audio-readings
Banner Art:
from A View of Naples through a Window, Franz Ludwig Catel, 1824
